I got a message on Facebook the other day that made me kinda sad. On the one hand I should have been happy that this bride was so complimentary of my work, but on the other hand… well, just keep reading.

The message began:

I don’t know if you remember me or not [...]

Of course, I did remember her as soon as I saw the name. I remembered her like yesterday.

I met you a few years ago [...] to maybe do my wedding photos…I will say that even today when people ask me the one thing I would change about my wedding, I always tell them I would have had a different photographer. The one regret from my wedding was not having you do my pictures…I hated my pictures and I’ll never get over it…just wanted to tell you I love your work

I very much wanted to shoot that wedding and at the time was a bit disappointed that she didn’t choose to book. I wrote back that I hated that she’ll always look back on that part of her day with regret. It’s hard to convey to people how important the imagery from their wedding day will be to them down the road, and you can’t do it over.

Looking back on our meeting (like I always do) I had wondered how I could have made a better presentation and how I can tweak things in the future to help my business. Well, we messaged back and forth and she conveyed the pressures she had to choose her photographer, how rude and overbearing he was, how he tried to control her every move, and how her husband had to eventually step in and put a stop to it. But this sums it up,

[...] it was NOTHING to do with you or your presentation. I LOVED your work from day one. i LOVED the creative candid pictures you took. That’s exactly what I wanted and exactly what I didn’t get. [The photographer] took very traditional almost “prom-like” pictures. It was horrible. [...] You’re totally right about not getting to do it over.

So why am I blogging this? To pump myself up? Well, maybe just a little.

But much more than that, brides need to realize that many “traditional” photographers grew up being in charge of the wedding. Or at least they thought they were. That’s just how it was back then. Of course, that’s a pretty broad stroke I just painted, but I’m trying to point out that the wedding photography genre has changed a lot in the last decade and not everyone has kept up.

Today’s bride doesn’t want to ordered around on her wedding day. Today’s bride doesn’t want to be a spectator on her special day. She wants to enjoy the company of her family and friends and, with them, celebrate the love she declares for her husband. Did you notice that the word “photographer” doesn’t appear in that sentence?

We try to be as unobtrusive and as simply helpful as possible on your wedding day. This is why I’m so pleased when we get emails and voicemails like the ones below, from real brides…

“So many people commented to me about how awesome you guys were….as photographers and just as people. Your willingness to help out all throughout the wedding day….even when it wasn’t about the photos really meant a lot to me and everyone noticed.”

“you all aren’t just photographers, but great people too and we all enjoyed having you around.”

“I cannot say enough about the quality of your work, the professionalism of your staff, and the magnificent quality of the photography.”

“You three did an awesome job (a special thanks to Christina for zipping me into my dress, 30 minutes after we had first met!) The photos are great, and the three of you were so kind and helpful all day long!”

“What impressed me most was how much fun we had working with you on the day of the wedding, and how natural the whole process was. We hardly knew you were there, yet you captured some of the most intimate moments of the day.”

Ben Vigil — unobtrusive, intrigued, impressed, and honored to share your wedding day.